Revolutionary Wedding

Guys, listen, the country is in absolute turmoil, blood is being spilled on the streets, we're possibly on the brink of civil war and you want to get married in Egypt because you think it’s "an exotic location" and seem to be under the dumbfounded illusion that you are "a spitting image of the Egyptian goddess Isis"?

First of all, Kimmy darling, our ancient Egyptian deity was not made of plastic and silicone and probably had more class. Second of all: "exotic location”? Besides having to negotiate our friendly neighborhood Islamists, have you ever looked at a map? Egypt is not "exotic".  It is not a tropical island. No one will offer you a wreath of garlands or a Namaste upon arrival. This is a grand and glorious civilization that's as old as Kris Jenner.

I also have a few questions for you that have been keeping me up at night:

Is TMZ willing to fly out to Egypt for  "exclusive" photos of the wedding? Or OK! for that matter?

Will you have a zaffa?

Will you both be taking a 7antour ride on the Corniche?

Will you film an Egyptian-themed sex tape?

If you conceive a second baby here, will you name it Baheega? (“Egypt” as you know is already taken by Alicia Keys).

Look Kimmy, bottom line is this; we’re having issues right now, major issues. And no one really has the time to host you or your “exotic” wedding.